He's Leaving

     In the weeks leading up to the move he had went through a lot emotionally with GoodSis #1. She had accused him of being sexually attracted to their toddler daughter. According to what FrampCamp GoodMan explained to me, he had his daughter on his lap but off to the side meaning not directly on top of, you know. And simultaneously GoodSis #1 was walking by and had on tight fitting shorts. She asked him if he wanted her to rub him and he said yes and she began walking toward him. He says that he got hard as she was walking toward him. However from GoodSis #1's vantage point, all she saw has her baby on his lap and his hard dick so without thinking she punched him in the face. He was confused, a physical altercation ensued that resulted in GoodSis #1 admitting that she was possibly losing her mind. She requested to speak to FrampCamp GoodMan's mom to calm herself down. The most interesting part of it all to me, hearing it, was that she asked to talk to her, when he had explained to me that they didnt like each other. Subsequently, in the weeks to follow, as FrampCamp GoodMan was trying to wrap his mind around the accusation, and that he she hit him meaning she believed that he would really be capable of such an act, GoodSis #1 justification for it was A) PostPartum and B) the fact that FrampCamp Goodman's mother had recently given them her old couch and she believed "that the couch had evil spirits attached to it because it had come from her". Like if she believed that the mother in law was evil, why would you think to talk to her in the heat of the moment? But family dynamics are often abstract and illogical, so I digress. 

     During all that madness, FrampCamp GoodMan got the opportunity to go to Arkansas, and the timing felt perfect due to him needing to get away and sort out his emotions. According to him, Goodsis #1 was rushing his healing process. A few weeks to a month had passed since the accusation and she was having a hard time a) with herself for doing it b) with my presence and c) that he was moving there without her. Allegedly, she said he just wanted to live like a bachelor and was punishing her by bringing up what happened. He said she felt that he needed to move on because it happened moths ago. He mentioned that he felt she was rushing his healing process and he was pissed, wasnt sleeping and was hurting niggas bad on the mats because he had pressure built up and "they signed a waiver"

     As the second "wife" I felt my job was to bring him relief as best I could.  A month or so before all of this went down, I turned my backyard into a gym for him. I bought a heavy bag, mats, and weights. The gym came before anything so I put my bid into get more time by providing what he needed because I was tired of hearing "Imma come after I work out"... okay, nigga the workout is now over here! On top of that PS5 helped him "clear his mind"...oh yeah? Lemmeee get aaaaaah one playstation 5 please with the duty of call and one of them little stick controller things please! I just wanted to see him more and make him feel good. Keep his stomach full, nuts emptied and mind clear (but that fucking mind of his will never have peace and I now know why 🤣)

     Funds were tight, so I saved him money by giving him some of the left over furniture I had from my airbnb. I also offered to fill his tank just to lighten the gas cost for the cross-country trip. He declined that but he allowed me to make some food for the road. I was eager and happy to help. For the finale, I prepared him with a going away box and surprised him with it on his last visit to my house before he drove out there. I put washcloths and both towels, a couple packs of t-shirts, boxer briefs, socks, a large organic shea butter from nappily naturals, books for us to read together (The Alchemist, Outwitting the Devil, The Screwtape letters) a water bottle and a Road Atlas, so that he could still navigate his way to Arkansas if the GPS went out. 

     I put all of that inside a storage box and on the top of it, I tapped a picture of Tyrese crying, and I spelled “CONGRAJULAYSHUNS” underneath paying homage to that epic viral moment. I did that to make FrampCamp GoodMan laugh because there was a huge chance that he would have gotten angry because I bought him stuff. (He shies away from praise love and gifts from women but gladly accepts it from men) On top of that box, I had placed a PS5 that I had wrapped in fabric so he would have no idea what was in there. He had mentioned taking the one that I had bought for my house but I was hooked on grand theft auto and was not giving it up!  When he came over that day, I cooked one of his favorite meals from my recipes. The day was setup for us to just watch football, eat and enjoy each other until the next time we say each other. 

     I had placed both boxes on the couch. He came in and thought nothing of it. I was still cooking so I told him that the boxes were for him. “Man what is you on cuz? I told you a nigga dont like surprises. You aint got to be doin all this shit man”. I said I love you and this is how I love, enjoy. So he gets to the boxes, he takes the fabric one and pushes it off to the side. When he saw Tyrese he immediately burst into laughter: “What the fuck is wrong with YOUUUUUUUUU? HAhhahahahahahahahahhaha! I came to his side, we laughed together and I told him that I felt just like that nigga Tyrese about him leaving, ghat damn my Shayla okay! But I knew he had to go and needed to go for his mental health. I went back to the kitchen. A few moments later, I look over at him and he was just standing over the gifts and praying. He said in a misty voice, "thank you man (I was always fucking ‘man’) A nigga really dont get treated like this often so I really dont take it for granted.” 

     Watching him pray and hearing his gratitude, seeing him smile, making him laugh knowing he was still going through a hard time and him feeling comfortable with me just a made me feel so good. I was happy to please him. And it was these little moments that kept me in belief of who he portrayed himself to be when I was dealing with the monster that he actually is. None the less, we had a great day. Two days later I kissed him good bye and cried…just like that nigga Tyrese. I was so dramatic but I LOVED HIM! We talked more than we saw each other already but it was just knowing that he couldnt ‘Pull up”that was hurting the most.

I talked to him on the drive and I even helped orchastrate his overnight stays along the way so that all he had to do was get there and check in. I was always trying to make it already complicated life, easy, in the ways that I could. FrampCamp GoodMan would always tell me “Youre gonna make a great mother” (Conceived b4 conception). When he touched down, I helped him pick out of the furniture and organize all of the amazon orders, so all he had to foucs on was getting his son enrolled in school and securing a job. We spent nights on FaceTime, talking, it was what we did best, and that was holding over but enough was a fuckin nough and I needed to see him in the flesh. We wanted to see each other but we kept going back and forth about when 

I had hair to do and it was in the way of his availability, was what did I do? I rescheduled all of em and booked a flight. Seeing him was way more important to me than a fucking press and curl. I told him and FrampCamp GoodMan said “Dont come out here if you not ready to give me your soul”

Internal Thoughts “What the fuck is this niggas obsession with souls, what this is he a warlock, the devil and ghat damn vampire”

A couple days later, I was on the plane to Dwayne. 

     In preparation for the trip I went and bought a bunch of cute lingerie. I was so excited and I was going to surprise him again. Frampcamp GoodMan booked the hotel. Everything was set. He picked me up from the airport and we be-lined to the room. While we were waiting for to get the keys, I had stepped a way from him and was near the elevator looking at something on the wall. Off in the distance, a man had entered the lobby and began walking toward the elevator. I noticed it before he got close and I immediately turned around to go stand next to FrampCamp GoodMan. He had peeped the whole scene was so turned on by my "in pocket-ness" that as soon as we hit the door to the room it was up! He needed to "Jab me" as he called it. Luckily I was prepared for the presentation and I already had on something sexy. He loved these ass out boyshorts and thats what I had on. I aimed to please. I took my clothes off slow as he sat in the chair in the corner of the room. I turned around so that he could see my shitting in the shorts the way he liked and I looked back at him.    With one hand on his rock, he looked at my ass, then his eyes scanned up and we made eye contact...He stood up and it. went. down. We each needed that we thoroughly enjoyed it.

      We showered and went to eat after that. For the first time in a year we were at a restaurant, IN PUBLIC! His dreams about me prevented him from going places with me in LA...Because he "was a nigga out there in them streets", we was afraid to be out with me and potentially run into someone from my past while with me because he didnt know how he would react and because "The Shaytan" knew him well, he felt It best to stay low. Plus, "being at my house felt like a vacation to him". These were all the reasons I accepted as justification for being his little secret (word to Xscape). 

      What started off as a good day turned into a terrible evening. We were at dinner "chopping shit" as he called it.. "I said I cant wait to get back so I can put on something else for you". Frampcamp GoodMan had asked me "Why did you buy that?"  I said :Because I wanted to look sexy for you. "I dont really like lingerie like that" "Dang, I was just trying to surprise you with something different" "Well Im telling you l dont like lingerie, I mean you can wear it but it reminds me of something that happened to me as a kid" "Was that your plan, to just come here and fuck me? Are you a nympho or something" No, Im just a woman who wanted to look sexy for her man. The mood shifted. He stopped eating. I was close to being finished and He stormed to the front to pay, I get to the car. He was already in the car with the Qu'ran playing. With it fully being in Arabic, I asked what the surah was about. He said "knowing when to let go of things that aren't serving you", I said nothing. We pull up to the hotel. He turns off the engine. He sits there and I sit there. He stares forward and begins his monologue.

 "I'm getting sick and muthafuckin tired of you and this spirit of rebellion. Im tired of you saying No to me, you dont fucking tell me No. You must not know who the fuck I am, nor do you know what I am capable of. Do you? You must not know the power that I possess given to me by the Lord that I serve. You cant because if you did I know for damn sure that you wouldnt be playing me with. Im a MUSLIM, I give you grace because grace has been given to me but I am not a muthafucking joke. You was in the Jahlia, you dont know what a real man is because you never had one my nigga but Im telling you now Im not to be fucked with. Youre gonna submit to me because I earned it and I deserve it. You dont know no better and it's all your mom and bitch ass daddy fault. They fucked you up and they are the reason that you dont know how to treat a man that actually loves you but you better fucking learn. Now come on! 

     While he was saying it his voice was initially calm but the intensity, pitch and volume increased with each sentence and the final ones regarding my mother and father he added punching the steering wheel and allowing a single tear to come down the right side of his face. I was confused because I didn't know what I did to make him mad, scared because was this nigga finna hit or kill me, and aroused because "do this nigga love me so much that he is crying". I was moving too slow in my shock and again he yelled "I said come on". I get out, walk though the lobby to the elevator. We get in and I am afraid. He has this look on his face like he was ready to taste blood. We get to our floor. He made me walk in front of him. I open the door and he says, take off your clothes. I looked hesitant and he said all I want to hear you say is yes sir. I said yes sir, and started taking off my clothes. He started kissing me passionately, then  told me to bend over..."Yes sir". He gave me  instructions with every stroke

 "Tell me you love me", 

"I love you", 

"Tell me you need me" 

"I need you"

"Tell me you will never leave me"

"I will never leave you"

"Tell me who you belong to"

"I belong to you"

"Who does your soul belong too"

"My soul belongs to you"

"Very Good"

When he was finished, he said that he had to go check on his son to make sure he was good for the night. He left me alone with my thoughts. I was on a rollercoaster of emotions, this time being satisfied and intrigued. This display of whatever it was had he thinking (with my dumb ass) "Ohhh, ok, he's in to BDSM". I felt I had discovered he had a kink that perhaps he knew nothing about. His obsession with dominance and submission, power and compliance was a kinnnnnk! He had grown up sexually restricted due to Islam and often told me he wished he had gotten more of a chance to explore like the men in Sound Council did, but they had taken all negatives of those periods for them and gave them to him as reasons why he should abstain. And like a good follower, he did but he expressed regret about it and I felt strongly that that was the real reason why he wanted 3 women...he was sexually repressed but let me stay on subject. The red flags looked Iike 6 as the youngsters say and I was no longer afraid of the ride. I was willing to be his lil slut, I mean I definitely had the credentials.

     An audible was a called on the play and what once was to be some time for us to spend turned into us spending a couple days of the trip apart, FrampCamp GoodMan had gotten invited to bring his son out for a college tour. Since the plans had changed I just chilled in the room. It was January and there was still snow on the ground. As a Cali native who was experiencing snow, I wanted no parts of the cold. 

Since I had gotten clarity on the lingerie thing and "approval" to wear it, I decided to do a sexy photoshoot wearing it. Me and my iPhone on portrait mode created some fire as flics. While we were apart, he was ask me to send him photos so I wanted to have some ready for the time. 

   FrampCamp GoodMan checked in on me through out the day and let me know how the visit went, I had let him know that I missed him and couldnt wait for him to return. He got back in the wee hours of the morning, dropped his son off and came to me. He got in the bed and we cuddled and talked and he ate the açaí bowl I had ordered for him in anticipation of his return. We talked more about the other night and just stayed in bed until the time to take me back to the airport approached. Im trying real hard to remember what happened next but the root cause escapes me, all I remember factually was that he took the bottle of baby oil gel and threw it at me but it missed and hit the wall so hard that the top cracked and exploded baby oil onto the wall and left a little dent. 

     "Get dressed man, getcho shit man, Im tired of you you dont listen" I Instantly started cleaning it up, I didnt want him to be charged. Even in the heat of him trying to harm me my first thought was to protect him, like a true stomp down abuse survivor (Dark humor is my coping mechanism). "Leave that shit alone man and get dressed"  I continued cleaning and said but there is a hole in wall and I dont want you to get charged. 

He walked over to me and grabbed me by the throat and squeezed hard and said "this is what the fuck im talking about, you dont listen, I told you to leave it alone but you just gotta do shit your way, I cant fuck with man because Imma end up hurting you for real. He released his grip. "Get dressed, let's go!" I gathered my things.

     Obviously, scared to talk I was quiet as he went on another rampage. "I cant deal with you cuz! you dont listen! And Im a good nigga! I dont have time to be going through this shit with you. Why you always gotta say something why you cant shut the fuck up and say yes sir sometimes, damn. You too fucked up cuz, you too far gone and a nigga really love you but I dont have the patience for this shit, Imma end up fucking you up for real and imma feel bad because I love you." I took that as a window to speak "I didnt want you to get charged and you're upset about that?" "No Im upset because you dont fucking listen, when I tell you to do something you do it, no is not an option here, but it dont fucking matter, Im done with it. Allah brought you here to show me that you not for me cuz and it just is what it is". We arrived at my exit and he pulled up and said nothing. 

     I looked at him and I said well can you at least give me a hug and he said no. So I said well can we pray, he obliged. I prayed for my safe travels and his safe return to his son and that he didn't allow the anger that he was feeling in the moment to take control of his day. I prayed that if that in fact were the end of us that we walked away learning what we were supposed to learn. The prayer softened him, he got out and helped me with my bag and hugged me but he still had an attitude. I got to my gate and what hit with a delay, so I text him...